“If you don't have something nice to say, you're jealous on some level. (I'm not being passive aggressive (or passive defensive). Nothing happened to me directly, but I am very saddened to see all the nasty comments made about a certain comedienne, particularly how many of them are criticizing her body or her looks… because yea, that has anything to do with her talent or movie. Sigh. Women are more than the sum of their parts, too. (And even if you don't think she's funny, can we not at least roll in joy that another woman made it?)”
That was my Facebook status on July 17th.
My mom always told me that when someone was mean to me growing up, they were just jealous…
…and over the years, I’ve found many truths in that (which I’ll get to in a bit).
I’ve noticed modern society (for women) is very dog-eat-dog—it’s women tearing down other women. Women telling other women they aren’t good enough.
You don’t see this in a man’s world.
You don’t see a picture of a male celebrity with thousands of comments FROM OTHER MEN underneath it, attacking his body, his clothes, or his career or debating whether or not he is handsome.
Nor will you see criticisms of him AS A MAN or as a professional (whatever career he has) --- or as a father.
(It especially upsets me how much women judge other women’s mommyhood.)
Society labels women as “catty,” but we don’t have to be catty.
We must STOP hurting others to feel better about ourselves.
We must stop living in positions of defense...
because tearing another woman down does not make you taller.
We must also stop living in positions of offense…
because wishing failure on another woman does not guarantee YOUR success.
It’s time we all assume a supportive role and realize WE’RE ON THE SAME TEAM.
Being a “public figure,” I get a lot more judgement and criticism thrown at me than the average bear, so this “issue” is something that is very real to me…and something I’d like to change.
What I have learned about judging is that judging says a lot more about you than the person you've judged.
That classic grade-school wisdom rings true: when you point one finger at someone, four more point back at you.
I’ll openly admit that any time I have been negative or critical, even when my points were factually valid, there was still that tiny, lingering stench of jealousy.
My negativity and criticism have always unmasked me.
I’ve become very fond of this saying: "The worst thing someone can say about you reveals a little truth about them."
If you are tired of the negativity…
If you are tired of the catty competitiveness…
If you are tired of women beating other women down...
…then please join the #LadyLove campaign.
Help me start a movement.
Let’s rally together in love and support to help each other succeed…
…because when you elevate one woman, you elevate ALL women.
…because when one woman is successful, it is easier for another woman to be successful.
It’s easier for YOU to be successful.
Can’t you imagine how much easier EVERYTHING would be if we were sitting in a warm, comforting bubble of support and solidarity?
If we gave to each other even the littlest fraction of the protective safety net we try to create for our children?
We need each other.
We need to stop getting in each others’ way.
We need to stop being the very roadblocks, walls, and hurtful hurdles that stop other women from progressing and running ahead to their finish line.
THEIR finish line.
Life among others doesn’t have to be a 24/7 competition.
“The only way I keep my sanity is to think of everyone who does something similar to what I do as a colleague rather than a rival. I don’t have the energy for the scarcity model; there’s “enough” for all of us. That’s what kept me optimistic when I was single, and it’s what keeps me from being discouraged when another writer says what I wanted to say first.”
—Hugo Schwyzer
I HOPE WE ALL MAKE IT.
For the #LadyLove Campaign:
Share a photo of another woman you admire, love, or just support (perhaps with a quick reason why) with the tag #LadyLove on all social media.
(I’ve already been busy sending out love. See some examples on my Instagram.)
OR share a woman-positive message with the tag #LadyLove.
Some examples:
